Applied Shakespeare 101

On Tuesday, Andrea and I attended a performance of William Shakespeare's Coriolanus by the Royal Shakespeare Company at the Kennedy Center. While the RSC undoubtedly put as much oompfh into the production as one would expect from their world-class reputation, the play nonetheless failed to scintillate. Apparently, just being the greatest English playwright ever doesn't automatically guarantee that all your plays are great. While Andrea was so unimpressed that she spent most of the second half snoozing, I was busy redeeming the time by noting a number of useful passages from the play's text that should come in handy at one point or another.

For students of a Southern Baptist seminary: "Have we no wine here?" (Act I, Scene IX)

For those with fickle spouses: "He that depends upon your favours swims with fins of lead, and hews down oaks with rushes." (Act I, Scene I)

For one who must gracefully bow out of a conversation: "More of your conversation would infect my brain." (Act II, Scene I)

For professors plagued by troublesome students: "What's the matter you dissentious rogue that, rubbing the poor itch of your opinion, make yourselves scabs?" (Act I, Scene I)

A sober warning for those who would become pastors: "Priests must become mockers, if they shall encounter such ridiculous subjects as you are." (Act II, Scene I)

And a friendly fare-thee-well for those situations when "'Bye" just won't do:
"All the contagion of the south light on you,
You shames of Rome!--you herd of--Boils and plagues
Plaster you o'er, that you may be abhorr'd
Farther than seen, and one infect another
Against the wind a mile! You souls of geese
That bear the shapes of men..."
(Act I, Scene IV)

Now, who ever said that a liberal arts education isn't useful? Ol' Bill is just full of practical wisdom and useful phrases for everyday life.